First off, we love you all. We really do.
This applies to all of our friends and family members, but specifically to those who may be inclined to visit Kayla and I in the hospital after B.K. comes. Early on in the process we set out to make a birth plan. This plan contains everything we want and expect at the hospital, from an epidural to the light level and music played during the delivery.
One aspect of this concerns you, the visitors. How to handle company at the hospital and thereafter can be awkward.
I mean, this post started with me professing our love for you, yet now we’re trying to figure out a subtle way to tell you to leave.
Rather than face the awkward conversation of explaining our desires in person, we decided to share our thoughts on the subject here. You know, like cowards.
Deciding how to deal with loved ones really is tough. We’ve been asked by several people ranging from family to hospital staff what our “expectations” are.
Other than expecting to have a baby, we didn’t have a lot of plans going into this and mulled a lot of ideas. Kayla initially wanted to not even make calls to family until B.K. gets here, because she didn’t want them to be sitting in the waiting room forever.
Instead, we plan to notify immediate family when we go to the hospital, with a strong emphasis that there’s no rush to get there.
Some people live too far away to make it. It could also be a blizzard for all we know. We promise to try not to hold it against you.
And if people do race there, don’t break out the popcorn and expect a show. It’s just going to be the two of us in the delivery room. We’ll eventually be transferred to a recovery room where guests can come once notified.
I’m still contemplating a series of tests visitors have to pass before they can hold B.K. to prevent dropping her. You can’t juggle? Get out.
Maybe nothing that drastic, but I’m sure we’ll think of something.
Kaya suggested we have a secret phrase or gesture that she can make to let me know it’s time for people to leave. Since she’s doing a lot of work on this visit, it’s up to me to usher people out when it’s time to nurse, nap or whatever.
And what guy doesn’t occasionally want to throw his mother-in-law out of a room? (Relax Kathy, that’s a joke!)
Even though sharing this means we’ll have to think of a new one, I can’t help but share that Kayla’s first idea for this secret phrase was to tell me, “Pac said there’d be days like this.”
There will be something in place, but I would be surprised if we need this. Our family members tend to be considerate, but please don’t take it personally if I tell you to get out of our room. I’m not trying to be rude, but sometimes we just need space.
Some new parents opt to have grandparents or someone stay with them at the house after leaving the hospital. We’re not planning on having anyone stay at the house with us. Again, the love is appreciated. But even when only the best intentions are in mind it’s stressful having company over. The urge to clean and be a good host can’t be ignored.
Baby or no, if we have company the week of Thanksgiving, one of us is going to want to make a turkey. And less than a week after getting a bun out of the oven, it’s probably time to rest.
We’re also taking advice from several people who have been there before. A recurring theme we were warned about is finding your own footing. When people stay with you to help there’s perhaps a little too much of “We did/do it this way.”
However, while Kayla and I stay at the hospital we do plan to let parents and siblings stay at the house, rather than come back to visit again the next day. It seems to only make sense. Just don’t mess with my XBox or our HBO watch list. And I’ve written down the mileage on the Trans Am.
But who knows, we could have a severe panic attack and ask our parents to move in with us indefinitely. At the end of the day it’s a new experience for Kayla and I. How we feel now could completely change next Saturday when B.K. is expected.
In conclusion. Thank you all. We love you and are thrilled to have you in B.K.’s life. But this is also a stressful time. It’s exhausting.We know our family and friends would bend over backward to help us. But also we ask that you respect our space and give us room to breathe. And also please don’t drop our baby.